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Tim’s Mustache Disappears

tim’s-mustache-disappears

“Hey Dad, you’d look really great without a mustache.”

My youngest daughter had popped her head into the dining room just to drop that quick comment. It was the winter of 2008-09 and I was back in Cincinnati for one of my visits from New Hampshire.

Just months before I had moved to New Hampshire with my oldest daughter and future son-in-law. My wife and youngest daughter would follow us up in August of 2010 after she graduated from high school with her friends.

I was busy working on my laptop at the dining room table and replied, “I’m sure you’re right, sweetheart.” I didn’t think any more about it and kept clicking away on the keyboard.

An Hour Later

“Dad, I was serious. You’d look so much younger if you shaved off that mustache.” Kelly had come back downstairs from her room to give me more encouragement. Just as fast as she said it, she was gone back upstairs.

I had just passed the double-nickel birthday a year or so before and maybe she was right. Maybe I would look younger without a hairy lip and while I was at it, maybe I should lose 20 pounds.

The issue was this mustache was a legacy one. It had been on my face for almost forty years as I grew it my freshman year of college if my memory serves me right. What’s more, my wife liked it. You know the saying, “Happy wife, happy life.”

This is the first known photo of me with a mustache. It’s not as full as now. I HATED this photo. My Mom forced me to go to a professional photographer.

“Hmmmm, maybe she’s right. Maybe I would look younger. And after all, even if I shaved it off, it could grow back in two months. I’m up in New Hampshire so what’s the big deal if I don’t have one?”

The gears in my head were spinning.

However, I had left out one important aspect of the SMA | sans-mustache analysis.

The fact that my daughter might be yanking my chain. Hard, really hard.

I’ve had trouble in the past calibrating my sarcasm sensor and bad things can happen when you get bad data, right?

Two Minutes

“Heck, what do I have to lose? Let’s do it.”

I got up from the dining room table. My daughter had left the house and my wife was down in the basement in her office. No one knew what was about to happen.

I went upstairs to the bathroom and two minutes later my upper lip was as bare as a newborn’s bottom.

WOW, did I look different in the mirror! Did I make a mistake?

The Bomb-Drop Dinner

I decided not to say a word about the shearing experiment. Hours later dinner was being prepared and we sat down to eat. My wife looked across the table and her eyes got pretty big.

“WHAT THE HECK DID YOU DO?” My wife was aghast.

“Well, our youngest said I’d be far more attractive to you if I shaved it off.”

“She was wrong!”

“Dad, I was just kidding. I never thought you’d do it.”

“Add some fertilizer or do something. I want that mustache back as fast as possible.”

She Who Must Be Obeyed is not to be questioned. But I wasn’t going to brush some magic hair-growing potion on my lip. I knew how fast it would grow back.

Back in New Hampshire

Two days later I was back on the road heading northeast to New Hampshire. I decided my oldest daughter needed to see the experiment so I continued to shave my lip as well as the rest of my face.

When she saw me she exclaimed, “Dad, boy do you look different! Your upper lip is HUGE. Maybe you better grow it back before a plane lands on it.”

Let’s see if you agree. The only evidence of this crazy experiment is the following video. If someone took a photo of me, I’m not aware of it. Let me know what you think.

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